Futon Revolutionary

Day at the Zoo

2006-08-18T23:42:00.000-07:00

Hot today. Adventurous day. We didn't chill for long at the park to my disappointment, as she wanted to got a drink somewhere, Starbucks or Jamba Juice. I suggested we go to the store and get some mangos to blend up a drink. When we got there, we got lazy and decided to head to Starbucks. Since I've never really ordered anything there except a Frappacino, I asked, "Do you guys have fruit?" The guy answered with a big list of available fruits they could mix for me. "Gimme something with strawberry and banana in it." They made it. I was surprised. I thought it was going to be a complicated process involving deciphering the menu, calculating nutritional content, and analyzing the price.

Went outside and took a sip. Good Lord, this thing is sweet! My friend thirsted for some water. I asked, "Is it me, or does this taste more like a dessert than a drink? I mean, c'mon, what kind of drink do you need a drink to wash it down with?" Besides shots of liquor of course. I didn't want it to sound like I was having a bad time though, so I added that it tastes good and thanked her for taking me out to the zoo. The latter comment probably confused her more since we hadn't gone to a place with animals behind metal bars today.

What should we do now? Normally, I'd go back home and read a book or website, watch a video on weird science, or just lounge on my bed drawing and listening to some elevator music. But since I was with someone, I decided to not bore her. I took on her suggestion to go to the theatre though we had no idea what movies were currently playing. I asked her which movies were not scary. Scary movies give me bad dreams. Since we didn't recognize most of the movie names, I decided to pick a PG movie, reasoning that anything beyond PG would consist of too much sex and violence and possibly be scary. Now, though I like sex dreams, I'd rather have them triggered by tactile experiences rather than artificial ones. I've had enough of that with Internet pr0n. "Monster House" was playing. An animation. Yay! Animations don't give me bad dreams. Should be goofy funny, too, which is a plus.

Familiar themes. Smart-ass kids, skeptical and cynical, just like the adults in the story, the hero kid being the only open-minded one. The stereotypes drawn were dead on. Little boy in a haunted house sees explosives, what's the automatic response? "Explosives, so cool!" Know-it-all girl-scout exhibits her capitalistic prowess haggling with a bitchy babysitter impressed by her incisive cynicism. At this point, I lose track of which side of the mirror is real, art or reality.

The only unrealistic thing was how brave and compassionate the boy was. Like wolves in sheep clothes, maybe the artists were trying to subliminally train the next generation to be more open-minded and stand up for their very valid questions. I'd love to think that, but as I toyed with the Cup'o'Sugar TM in the conveniently placed cup holder and listened to kids laugh at the more "adult" (i.e. cynical) jokes, I questioned their success.

Oh, but they're trying their best in an unforgiving corporate world to squeeze even a little ray of sunshine through the cracks of the munitions factory! Okay fine, here's a pat on the back and my $6.50 vote for drawing the line two inches further away from Sodom.

We left the theatre and went back to my place. I wanted to just chill out and do something from the aforementioned list (read, watch science video, draw, music), so I sheepishly mentioned it, "What I would normally do at this hour..." She didn't reply. I start talking about the Viktor Frankl book I just finished reading. Note to self: genocide stories are a social buzzkill.

My friend mentions that another one of her cousins got married, bringing emphasis to our ticking clocks. I tell her that I've been late for every cultural rite of passage, or, more accurately, my curriculum is just plain out of order. Where's my college degree, high-paying corporate job, fiance, and honeymoon in Maui? Oh, but I got Zen jokes up the wazzoo and can make up a new meaning for life in 2 minutes! Where's my fancy suit and my fancy car, driving up to my fancy office? Oh, but I'm essentially retired! And instead of a tropical island resort, I stay in farmhouses, attics, and cornfields. When I run out of gas or plane fare, I sleep in a scientist's basement and program a robot for him.

Why am I justifying my existence? Because I dropped my script somewhere, and I'm just making all this up as I go along. I have to make the story believable somehow.

Hyper-Dimensional Exploration

2006-07-18T20:40:00.000-07:00

I see it as a way of improving my perceptive abilities. The clearer we see the world, the easier it is to navigate through our problems. A hyper-dimensional model of the universe can explain, predict, and help us control how thoughts, emotions, ideas, and sensations flow around and in us. Consciousness is another dimension (or set of dimensions) distinct from but relating to the 3D + time we are familiar with. We are, in fact, constantly moving in hyperdimensions though we are unconscious of it.

The five senses imprison us in ways that are unconscious and invisible. Years ago, I read accounts of congenitally blind people who were given sight overnight thanks to innovative surgery. On being exposed to light for the first time, they were often completely disoriented. They wondered why people dragged black patches around with them wherever they went (we call them shadows). If asked how big a cow was standing a hundred yards away, they’d guess three inches tall; stairs were frightening two-dimensional ladders climbing straight up the wall. Sometimes these bizarre perceptions were so disturbing that the newly sighted preferred to sit in the dark with their eyes closed. Aren’t we doing much the same by clinging to the world of the five senses? (Deepak Chopra on Forbes.com)

There are techniques, ancient and new, that allow one to consciously move in hyperdimensions. For example, in a lucid dream, one is aware that one is dreaming and thus may have some degree of conscious control over the dream environment and body. Lucid dreams are good practice for seeing the how much we are responsible for our perceptions even in waking life. There is a kind or cousin of lucid dreams called out-of-body experiences or etheric projection where you actually perceive the same world that other people see but with things added or subtracted depending on what your mind is attuned to. I can go out-of-body, but I'm not sure how well my perceptions correspond to consensus reality.

Indigenous shamans use altered states to help their tribesmen heal from life threatening diseases. They do this by going into the spirit realm (a dimensional shift) and imploring their helper spirits to reintegrate their client's soul or to remove a spirit parasite.

The Buddha cautioned practictioners from becoming attached to what he termed the deva realms. I can imagine how easy it would be to get intoxicated with power and sink to the lower realms. In many sutras, I remember the admonitions to notice these states and let them pass so that the meditator can move on up to full enlightenment. Well, I'm a curious tourist. :) I'm going to stay at some spots, soak in the air, and take a lot of pictures before moving on. Plus these altered states have overtaken me unintentionally since I was a kid. Only now that I've practiced them can I control them a little.

Upaya Means Skillful Means

2006-07-18T20:37:00.000-07:00

The Buddha taught different things to different people because he could see their differences and could customize his teaching for the person and situation. The whole idea of non-self to me is such a customization designed for his mother culture Hinduism, which places an emphasis on finding the self, atman. I liken it to Nietzsche proclaiming "God is dead." I don't think Nietzsche really thought God was alive in the first place, but his message was encapsulated in a metaphor that made sense at the time.

In one story, Buddha saw a bunch of his students doing a bunch of different practices. One was counting his breath, another was contemplating a mantra, another was chanting, another was meditatively sweeping the floor, another was doing kind acts, another was bowing, etc. He saw this and said, "Good!" He saw that there were many vehicles, many Dharma doors, and there was no need to force everyone into one boat. Similarly, I believe everyone doing their thing is fulfilling their dharma. If I wish to help someone become more clear sighted, I must closely observe their path and suggest directions from their perspective instead of mine. Going north from here might put one face to face with an impassable mountain. Going north from there might take one to a meadow.

Art for Me

2006-07-16T06:49:00.000-07:00

People are sensitive about their artistic ability. They apologize for being unskilled when they're just being themselves. Art is associated with critique. Though "high-culture" art has its place, it is unfortunate that it should scare would be creative-expressors from spilling their guts on a canvas or an LCD. They miss out on the adventure of creation. They miss out on the catharsis. They miss out on contemplation over the finished piece.

Kiss Hank's Ass

2006-07-15T00:53:00.000-07:00

This morning there was a knock at my door. When I answered the door I found a well groomed, nicely dressed couple. The man spoke first:

John:
"Hi! I'm John, and this is Mary."

Mary:
"Hi! We're here to invite you to come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me:
"Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who's Hank, and why would I want to kiss His ass?"

John:
"If you kiss Hank's ass, He'll give you a million dollars; and if you don't, He'll kick the shit out of you."

Me:
"What? Is this some sort of bizarre mob shake-down?"

John:
"Hank is a billionaire philanthropist. Hank built this town. Hank owns this town. He can do whatever He wants, and what He wants is to give you a million dollars, but He can't until you kiss His ass."

Me:
"That doesn't make any sense. Why..."

Mary:
"Who are you to question Hank's gift? Don't you want a million dollars? Isn't it worth a little kiss on the ass?"

Me:
"Well maybe, if it's legit, but..."

John:
"Then come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me:
"Do you kiss Hank's ass often?"

Mary:
"Oh yes, all the time..."

Me:
"And has He given you a million dollars?"

John:
"Well no. You don't actually get the money until you leave town."

Me:
"So why don't you just leave town now?"

Mary:
"You can't leave until Hank tells you to, or you don't get the money, and He kicks the shit out of you."

Me:
"Do you know anyone who kissed Hank's ass, left town, and got the million dollars?"

John:
"My mother kissed Hank's ass for years. She left town last year, and I'm sure she got the money."

Me:
"Haven't you talked to her since then?"

John:
"Of course not, Hank doesn't allow it."

Me:
"So what makes you think He'll actually give you the money if you've never talked to anyone who got the money?"

Mary:
"Well, He gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you'll get a raise, maybe you'll win a small lotto, maybe you'll just find a twenty-dollar bill on the street."

Me:
"What's that got to do with Hank?"

John:
"Hank has certain 'connections.'"

Me:
"I'm sorry, but this sounds like some sort of bizarre con game."

John:
"But it's a million dollars, can you really take the chance? And remember, if you don't kiss Hank's ass He'll kick the shit of you."

Me:
"Maybe if I could see Hank, talk to Him, get the details straight from Him..."

Mary:
"No one sees Hank, no one talks to Hank."

Me:
"Then how do you kiss His ass?"

John:
"Sometimes we just blow Him a kiss, and think of His ass. Other times we kiss Karl's ass, and he passes it on."

Me:
"Who's Karl?"

Mary:
"A friend of ours. He's the one who taught us all about kissing Hank's ass. All we had to do was take him out to dinner a few times."

Me:
"And you just took his word for it when he said there was a Hank, that Hank wanted you to kiss His ass, and that Hank would reward you?"

John:
"Oh no! Karl has a letter he got from Hank years ago explaining the whole thing. Here's a copy; see for yourself."

** From the desk of Karl **

Kiss Hank's ass and He'll give you a million dollars when you leave town.
Use alcohol in moderation.
Kick the shit out of people who aren't like you.
Eat right.
Hank dictated this list Himself.
The moon is made of green cheese.
Everything Hank says is right.
Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
Don't use alcohol.
Eat your wieners on buns, no condiments.
Kiss Hank's ass or He'll kick the shit out of you.

Me:
"This appears to be written on Karl's letterhead."

Mary:
"Hank didn't have any paper."

Me:
"I have a hunch that if we checked we'd find this is Karl's handwriting."

John:
"Of course, Hank dictated it."

Me:
"I thought you said no one gets to see Hank?"

Mary:
"Not now, but years ago He would talk to some people."

Me:
"I thought you said He was a philanthropist. What sort of philanthropist kicks the shit out of people just because they're different?"

Mary:
"It's what Hank wants, and Hank's always right."

Me:
"How do you figure that?"

Mary:
"Item 7 says 'Everything Hank says is right.' That's good enough for me!"

Me:
"Maybe your friend Karl just made the whole thing up."

John:
"No way! Item 5 says 'Hank dictated this list himself.' Besides, item 2 says 'Use alcohol in moderation,' Item 4 says 'Eat right,' and item 8 says 'Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.' Everyone knows those things are right, so the rest must be true, too."

Me:
"But 9 says 'Don't use alcohol.' which doesn't quite go with item 2, and 6 says 'The moon is made of green cheese,' which is just plain wrong."

John:
"There's no contradiction between 9 and 2, 9 just clarifies 2. As far as 6 goes, you've never been to the moon, so you can't say for sure."

Me:
"Scientists have pretty firmly established that the moon is made of rock..."

Mary:
"But they don't know if the rock came from the Earth, or from out of space, so it could just as easily be green cheese."

Me:
"I'm not really an expert, but I think the theory that the Moon was somehow 'captured' by the Earth has been discounted*. Besides, not knowing where the rock came from doesn't make it cheese."

John:
"Ha! You just admitted that scientists make mistakes, but we know Hank is always right!"

Me:
"We do?"

Mary:
"Of course we do, Item 7 says so."

Me:
"You're saying Hank's always right because the list says so, the list is right because Hank dictated it, and we know that Hank dictated it because the list says so. That's circular logic, no different than saying 'Hank's right because He says He's right.'"

John:
"Now you're getting it! It's so rewarding to see someone come around to Hank's way of thinking."

Me:
"But...oh, never mind. What's the deal with wieners?"

Mary:
She blushes.

John:
"Wieners, in buns, no condiments. It's Hank's way. Anything else is wrong."

Me:
"What if I don't have a bun?"

John:
"No bun, no wiener. A wiener without a bun is wrong."

Me:
"No relish? No Mustard?"

Mary:
She looks positively stricken.

John:
He's shouting. "There's no need for such language! Condiments of any kind are wrong!"

Me:
"So a big pile of sauerkraut with some wieners chopped up in it would be out of the question?"

Mary:
Sticks her fingers in her ears. "I am not listening to this. La la la, la la, la la la."

John:
"That's disgusting. Only some sort of evil deviant would eat that..."

Me:
"It's good! I eat it all the time."

Mary:
She faints.

John:
He catches Mary. "Well, if I'd known you were one of those I wouldn't have wasted my time. When Hank kicks the shit out of you I'll be there, counting my money and laughing. I'll kiss Hank's ass for you, you bunless cut-wienered kraut-eater."

With this, John dragged Mary to their waiting car, and sped off.

(copied from the intarweb)

Make You Better

2006-07-10T07:50:00.000-07:00

People talking shit to others. They are crying inside. Plugging their ears to reason. Hate and ignorance. These are the "names of God" I don't like. But since God made them, he must love them, and my hatred of them is hatred of God. I see rationally how absurd it is to fight Creation. In a simple Pascalian wager, I place my bets on lesser of two sufferings. I align myself to the side that allows the universe to express its ugly and beautiful variety. I say no thanks to the power to dominate for domination hinders free will and is suicidal as I am one and the same as everything else.

Let those who bicker do so. Let those who manipulate meet their consequences and lessons. If they do not connect their suffering with their actions, let them run the hamster wheel. Interference is usually self-serving.

The million dollar question to test my intentions:

* Do I wish to change you / make you better?

Electric Sheep

2006-07-03T01:53:00.000-07:00

Funny how many computer programmers I meet at a spiritualist gathering. Out of 3 guys, 2 were programmers at some point in their life. One woman's boyfriend was also a programmer who was teaching her how to program. And I wasn't even in Silicon Valley.

Funny how they tell me they are afraid to talk about spiritual things in their work place. Funny because maybe they'll all meet them one day at a similar gathering, a bunch of programmers gazing at auras and swirling hands over chakras. Heck, when I try to exercise my third eye, guess what I see? {I.see Java(code);} No, serious. I took a powernap yesterday, and within 13 minutes, I see a small circle of light "through" my eyelids in which /* Java code */ was floating about. Too fuzzy to be read, but they were in the same familiar format. Last week I woke up to windows popping up and closing behind my eyelids. I don't know if androids dream of electric sheep, but I'm sure programmers do.

What is it about computer programmers that draws us to the immaterial? I thought we were supposed to be positivistic, logical, "left-brain" types. Duh! We swim in the immaterial. Except we call it software, not spirit. In trying to imitate or augment the human mind with computers, many of us have learned to appreciate the incomprehensible sophistication of the computer in our body, if it really is in the body at all. As our technology advances, the boundaries between our tools and the environment they interact with blur until their location in the physical universe is obscured. I don't even know where this site is. Is it on tiny magnets in a refrigerated room, in the RAM of your computer, in your ISP's cache, floating through the air as perturbations in the electromagnetic ether, or all of the above? Similarly, where is our mind? Is it bouncing around as electric potentials between the axons and dendrites in our brain, quantum fluctuations in the microtubules all over our body, floating through the air as perturbations of the electromagnetic ether, or all of the above?

Those who believe in a purely mechanistic model of the universe should try to build a really smart robot. Maybe in their failure will the designers find their own souls. Michio Kaku says that the smartest robot humans have come up with barely competes with a cockroach in terms of responding intelligently to its environment. (It's on Mars right now.)

However, if the designers overestimate the AI they created, they run the risk of "robopomorphizing" humans. After all, humans are pretty stupid and robotic in many ways. We are the electric sheep Philip K. Dick's androids dream of, robotically following orders to consume and fornicate. Our boundless stupidity and suicidal violence makes it easy for some to envision electronic overlords putting us out of our misery. On the other hand, I think that some of us have figured out how to use that internal spark for something other than burning resources and firing the thrusting pistons, if you know what I mean. I believe our creative potential is left mostly untapped, awaiting evolutionary adventurers to "mutate" our so-called junk DNA into action.

Be Afraid

2006-06-30T03:50:00.000-07:00

A common complaint levied against Western Buddhism is its leniency regarding the self and its agnosticism regarding evil spirits. I found a gem digging in the uncle's crates today--a dharma tape telling a supposedly 500 year old story. It reflects what I've been reading in the Cassiopaean material with Laura Knight Jadczyk. (I'm currently on chapter 28 of The Wave.) LKJ is vehemently opposed to blindly loving New Ageism, sharply criticizing their wishful thinking and ignorance of beings trying to take advantage of them. This tape, entitled Destiny Can Be Changed, briefly mentions the technically advanced but immature beings who eavesdrop on us and whom LKJ discusses at length as the Service-to-Self (STS) beings.

I'm not finished listening to the tape yet, but so far, the story mirrors the section I'm reading from LKJ so much. The Venerable Wu Ling tells of a man who has his fortune told, and as the years pass, he finds the predictions so dead on that he relinquishes his grip on life and peacefully lets destiny take its course. He then meets a master who tells him he could change his destiny if he did some practices, such as being kind, being mindful, doing good deeds, reciting a mantra, and clearing his mind of discursive thought.

LKJ discovers in Gurdjieff and Ouspensky a very similar picture of the human predicament. We are robots with very predictable lives. Only if we practice diligently seeing how we are influenced externally can we ever find our kernel of free will. Another similarity between LKJ and Wu Ling is that Wu Ling also encourages practictioners to feel shame for making mistakes and to fear more sentient beings, suggestions you don't hear very often in the self-centered New Age circles LKJ criticizes.

Audio excerpt from Destiny Can Be Changed: Eavesdropping_Beings.mp3

Conform/Rebel

2006-06-13T07:04:00.000-07:00

Damn it. I thought I was over this. I just got up from a bad dream:

I was playing baseball at school. I was playing a base. I miss catching the ball every time. So embarrassed. When I throw the ball, it doesn't go where I want it to. Too weak. More embarrassment. I'm feeling really shitty. My heart pounds hard as the spotlight is on me to perform. I awake with the pounding heart.

There's nothing more painful than social impotence. Conformity is safe. To follow the herd means to be protected from being stampeded. But when I can't catch up, it is embarrassing. I do get run over. The pressure builds to conform and perform better. I fail again due to the pressure, and the pressure only builds.

Another part of me rebels to preserve the kernel of individuality. But the rebellion itself is taking up so much energy that I don't have any to expend on real self-expression.

To one not suffering from this double-bind, the solution seems so obvious and easy. Just let go of the conform/rebel complex and be myself. Yet the more I push it away, the harder it rebounds, or the more insidiously it pervades another part of my life. It's one of those soul fragments that scream for attention and only the proper kind, but what is the proper response? The mere knowledge of their existence does little to mitigate them.

So I try dialogue.

I asked that part of me why it was there. It means to protect me from the stampede. It means to find for me the apparent peace and good fortune of the "normal." They do look relatively confident. It wants me to be like that. It wants their nonchalance. It wants their free expressiveness. It wants their friends and their toys.

The other part hates the normal. It sees the normal as a bully, trying to squish all real self-expression, allowing only for that which fits within their parameters. It projects its own repression on others, seeing them as cowardly automatons following a script. It responds with anger and vindictiveness toward authoritative attempts to confine it. It uses the little remaining brainpower I have to rationalize political and religious views that maintain its position as victim of the mainstream. It wants to change the world because it doesn't fit into this one.

You're both crazy. Thank you for your time, but I don't need your "help" any more. If you would please leave, I could get on with my life and great achievements, after which I'll buy you guys a drink for your attempted assistance. Okay, bye now. "No!" they respond.

Breathe in slowly. Breathe out. Letting go of thoughts run amok, giving despair a blank look when she visits. The thoughts come back; let go again. Rinse, tumble, repeat. What else is there to do?

Caffeine Conscious

2006-06-04T16:41:00.000-07:00

I don't like caffeine because it disrupts my chill mood. I drink soda about two or three times a year. Stupidly, I decided to try it out again even though I've never had a good experience with it. Yep, there come the jitters. Anxiety. Wait! What if I adjust my personality to use this extra energy? So I blast some music, Radiohead's Amnesia. No, too chill. Atmosphere's Happy Clown Bad Dub 8. Hmm, surprisingly still too chill! Lyrics Born - Same Shit Different Day. Yes! This is perfect. Set the volume to 11 (it's one higher).

And it's conscious rap: Lyrics Born - The Last Trumpet (remix)

pwned

2006-06-03T01:51:00.000-07:00

You know a song is good when it's banned by the Nixon Administration: Eugene McDaniels - Headless Heroes. We're pawns in the master game or prawns in the master's wok, food for the powerful.

Self-Stupefaction

2006-06-01T04:11:00.000-07:00

Click here for audio version.

We stupefy ourselves so that we may experience learning. The angels say, "Learning is fun." However, while in class, we rebel or don't pay attention. Even this is part of the experience we signed up for! We wanted to see what separation from the truth (of our infinite power) looks like so we forget our source. We wanted to feel what being prey for spirit predators feels like so we expose our souls to greed and fear.

From this stage, we can go on learning and reunite our fragmented selves or we can reject the true laws of nature and continue to live blind and broken. No easy "proof" will be given to us of the truth because that would stifle our own personal discovery of the truth. It would go against the contract we agreed on upon entering this realm. We came here to experience innocence and learning in a free will environment, not to be fed into a factory and programmed with knowledge.

We are on an adventure of self-discovery. Every new problem is a challenge that stretches our imagination and thus our power. Even stagnation is not a sin. It is the choice to revel in or suffer in our self-created playground or self-imposed prison, respectively.

Reference: The Wave by The Cassiopaeans through Laura Knight-Jadczyk

Why Robot?

2006-05-31T08:42:00.000-07:00

When I was young, I wanted to be a robot and almost succeeded. I didn't become a robot to just hide my emotions, I became a robot to hide the other human frailty--making mistakes. In an uninformed mimicry of Mr. Data from Star Trek, I threw the baby out with the bathwater as I rejected emotions and tried to hide my irrationality. Emotions are not inherently bad, and neither are mistakes. The mistakes and their corollary negative emotions are but signals to the mind that encourage a course adjustment. Denying their existence is like unplugging the warning lights on a vehicle, stupid and dangerous.

In a more appropriate balance of emotion and intellect, these facets of my mind become tools to an end directed by conscience and good will. They are not to be disregarded or destroyed simply because they are unpleasant.

I wrote a related article a while back on pain as a messenger: Don't Kill the Messenger.

Ideomotor Signaling

2006-05-30T01:31:00.000-07:00

An interesting way to talk to the subconscious mind is through ideomotor signaling. Ask the subject a question, and watch the body language. You can ask the subject to move her hands or fingers in different ways for "yes," "no," "maybe," or "no answer." You can use a Chevreul pendulum, which is simply holding a 12 inch string with a small weight over a cross in which the axes represent "yes" and "no" and diagonals are "maybe" and "no answer." According to clinical research, about 70% of subjects easily produce the subconscious movements needed for ideomotor questioning to work. They are usually surprised by the answers produced, not feeling like they consciously own the answers. This approach to psychotherapy unveils the subconscious much more quickly than free association. Ouija boards also work the same way. Furthermore, issues can be resolved without the subject even having to know the content of the repression. The therapist can simply ask if the subconscious can solve the particular hidden issue being discussed.

Understanding the powerful, reality-tunnel shaping nature of unseen mental forces, I am enthusiastic about exploring this way of communicating with those forces. Unfortunately, I can't get consistent results with the Chevreul pendulum yet. In trying to calibrate a "yes," the pendulum keeps shifting axes or go in circles. I seem to have strong resistance to self-hypnosis. The only time I'm really autosuggestible is in hypnogogia.

For more on hypnosis and ideomotor signaling, check out Experiencing Hypnosis (PDF) by Milton H. Erickson, M.D. and Ernest L. Rossi, Ph.D.

Channeling the Guru

2006-05-29T04:56:00.000-07:00

I'm starting a new experiment in channeling an entity from another dimension that might be my Full-Potential Self. I call him the guru. He tells me to do things, and I record it onto mp3. This page will be the regularly updated archive of channelings. (Warning, there's some cussing.)

1. Make 40 mistakes daily (2006-05-29)

Optical Illusions

2006-05-28T08:30:00.000-07:00

I was reading Mind Hacks the other day and found some cool links. The book itself was a bit of a disappointment as it had mainly your garden variety mental and optical illusions and didn't really get into mind reprogramming as I thought it would. But I did learn the name to a weird effect I've been noticing as a computer geek. I call it the scroll-effect because I get it while I smooth scroll down a browser and the scrolling stops abruptly, causing the text to appear to float downward as my eyes are erroneously anticipating further movement. They call it the waterfall effect. Anyway, Akiyoshi Kitaoka has a really cool site with great optical illusions.

Food for Thoughts

2006-05-27T23:56:00.000-07:00

This has been my experience. "Our" thoughts do create reality, but we are only conscious of about 10% of "our" thoughts. We are mostly unconscious, and therefore, the reality we find ourselves in (the reality we create) seems to be given to us from the outside. Outside and inside are so intertwined that they aren't really two separate things as we perceive them to be.

These are wild claims that I can't prove to you. Hell, I haven't even proven them to myself, but I'm catching glimpses of all this. I've been recording my dreams daily and notice all the patterns I mentioned above in the dream world. Furthermore, I'm starting to see them active in waking life more and more as I become more conscious.

People spend multiple lifetimes trying to become aware, and even so, most fail. Why? Because certain thoughts are extremely powerful, living creatures, much like virii that infect and perpetuate themselves. They're very hard to get rid of or see through. When we're infected, we think we think them. In fact, they're just playing our minds like a flute. Some of these thoughts include things like concepts of God, objectivity, and religious dogma. Watch a recent convert to any religion to see the virulent and virus-like effect of these so-called "memes."

Contrary to popular belief, we are not on top of the food chain. In our stage of evolution, our minds are mostly food for thoughts. Unlike in the Matrix, where electronic computers are eating our brains, in reality, holographic quantum computers are eating our brains. Dr. Vernon Woolf calls them holodynes, Richard Dawkins calls them memes, and Dr. Bruce Lipton simply calls them by their old name: subconscious thoughts.

Science and Meditation

2006-05-17T19:32:00.000-07:00

More and more scientists are confirming the age-old belief that meditation improves brain function and your overall life:

Take a deep breath; meditation may boost brain size and increase mental performance, according to new research
The Links Between the Dalai Lama and Neuroscience

Some experienced practitioners are complaining that "science" is lagging far behind ancient wisdom. "Duh" is right, but remember that the scientist's work on the job is not necessarily her belief. Most of these scientists doing meditation-neuroscience research are already well aware of the significance of meditation and spiritual practices in everyday life. In fact, some of them are risking their necks and their paychecks trying to validate their beliefs. Grants don't come easy for people trying to show the masses that we don't need to buy more shit from corporations and that war and hate are actually bad for living things.

Let's give it up to these folks for trying to bring enlightenment, albeit in a roundabout manner, to the stubborn and the brainwashed. For example, check out Dr. Vernon Woolf, the quantum physicist who scientifically formalized a method to travel across hypersace and talk to your own Buddha nature. (He calls it something else, of course: the "Full Potential Self.")

Great Pirates

2006-05-17T01:17:00.000-07:00

I love the Internet. So many viewpoints! Sometimes I feel I'm drifting dangerously far away from consensus reality as I wade through the huge amounts of information and perspectives I find online.

For example, I love Buckminster Fuller's interpretation of imperialism. In his story about the Great Pirates, he shows how nation-states are but the stooges for the sea-faring merchants that used them as tool makers and land bases:
Fleming Funch's summary
History Education Critique

History is complex and multifaceted. The history we learn in school is just a one-sided justification for the powers that be. But today we have the Internet, and the pirates are becoming afraid:

Information Awareness Office Wikipedia entry

Left Brain Right Brain

2006-04-30T03:03:00.000-07:00

I had a great time tonight hanging out with Doug and his friends. It's really cool to hang out with people who aren't the typical kind of cool. They got interests and interesting quirks. Met a psychology major who's in a holistic therapy school right here in my town.

Earlier today I was really down. I tried calling Mari, but she didn't pick up or return my call. E.B. was probably going to hang out with his gf or programmer friends again. Good people, but enough computer nerdism for me. (Computer nerds tend not to be into occult esoterica and depth psychology.) Doug also took a while to get back to me, so I felt a bit lonely. The thought of drinking alone on a Saturday night didn't appeal to me, even hooked up to the EEG ("beer research" as the bums call it). Slashdot also killed a bunch of my time and some of my stomach lining as I sat through the hunger laughing at jokes that would completely ostracize me from mainstream society if I repeated them in public. Wasted a couple of minutes on askaninja.com (damn Slashdot).

When things get a bit dreary, they always pick up again, and I learn something about myself. I can't hang with tech geeks too much. I need a dose of the poetic, the schizophrenic, the "soft" sciences. The more I think about it, the more I'm pulled away from my declared major in computer science and into something more human.

Scratching

2006-04-26T20:21:00.000-07:00

I just did a little scratch intro for a friend (DJ Enyce) for about the price of NeuroProgrammer. Hey, anyone else need scratching/mixing work? I need to buy more brainwave stuff. :)

The Middle Way Is Not the Midpoint

2006-04-26T01:56:00.000-07:00

Moderation usually means finding a balance between two extremes, drinking once a week instead of zero times a year or five times daily, looking at lingerie catalogs instead of renting hardcore porn or being completely celibate. However, there are two problems with this approach. First, the extremes are arbitrary. Who sets them? Society? Your whims? There's no systematic way to set the extremes, so there is no systematic way to find the middle point.

Second, attempting to find a midpoint between two extremes actually focuses your attention on the extremes. What am I losing when I move away from the left? What will I miss when I move away from the right?

There is always a second dimension to any continuum, any duality. The Middle Way is not the midpoint on a line segment. Pessimism and optimism are not transcended by finding a middle ground of apathy. It is transcended by dropping expectations and embracing surprise. Expecting the unexpected means being open to life as it comes and not contracting around a fantasy.

This was very difficult for me to comprehend, being raised in a dualistic society. At first, I saw only black and white. I learned about grays later, but that was still limited. I would ask the Dharma master, "How do you notice jealousy and neither dwell on it nor repress it?" thinking that there was a moderate response in between those extremes. The answer lies outside the continuum, not in the middle. He responded, "Acknowledge the feeling, just watch it. It will pass on its own." In other words, witness the emotion as an event passing through you rather than a tug of war pulling you in two directions.

Mouth Noises

2006-04-22T00:09:00.001-07:00

Luis came over from Puerto Rico, and we made some noises with our mouths. Listen here:
Psycho Reddneck - Scat

Circuit Breaking

2006-04-18T21:39:00.000-07:00

I renamed this site to "Circuit Break" to reflect my new focus on mind reprogramming, breaking obsolete circuits and creating new ones. An EEG I ordered just came in yesterday, and I'm very excited about getting into neurofeedback. Couple things I've been reading/watching lately to do with exploration and expansion of the mind:

Conscious Media Network: Great interviews with great minds of the new millenium, e.g. Hank Wesselman, Michio Kaku, and David Icke.
Interview with Robert A. Wilson about consciousness, drugs, yoga on mp3
Lessons Out of the Body by Robert Peterson (www.robertpeterson.org)
Jonas Ridgeway's Astral Projection Forum
The High Performance Mind by Anna Wise (http://www.annawise.com/)
A Symphony in the Brain by Jim Robbins (http://www.symphonyinthebrain.com/)

If you've got a wave editor that can loop play, try this wav file in the morning at a low volume if you want to stay in theta (for lucid dreaming or OBEs).

Lucky Charms

2006-04-11T00:25:00.000-07:00

we're superstitious. if you don't think so, think again about one particular lucky charm that's still very popular today. we believe that green slips of properly marked paper gives good luck to its owner. if you don't have this special paper, you are very unlucky indeed. people will go out of their way to keep readily available food away from you if you don't have the paper. if you try to take the food, whole groups of people will carry you into a closed off room that's hard to escape.

but if you have an abundance of this green paper in your pockets, people treat you with the utmost respect and deference. they'll open doors for you and call you by reverential titles. what a great lucky charm! with this lucky charm, you can enjoy all the luxuries society has to offer simply by presenting it to people protecting these luxuries from those without the lucky charm.

yes, certain objects and actions are strictly withheld from those without lucky charms. there is enough good stuff and human energy to go around, no doubt, but people insist that those without lucky charms do not enjoy the good stuff and the fruits of the human energy, also known as "commodities" and "services" respectively. services and commodities are deemed good or lucky. in a fair, just, and predictable (manageable) world, those without lucky charms cannot enjoy good luck. if they did, then the world would be confusing, unmanageable, and unfair! thus, they must be forcibly administered bad luck, which is really the withholding of good luck--the services and commodities that people create.

if you think superstitions are benign fantasies, i dare you to throw all your green lucky charms into a flaming pit. those who you call foolish believers will call you stupid. your friends will leave you. you will notice a great diminution of good luck in your life. if people notice that you are getting good luck, they will forcibly remove the luck from you and go out of their way to prevent more good luck from getting into your dirty luckless hands.

when large groups of people believe in a superstition, the force of their consensus makes the superstition a reality. to fight consensus is to run up against a brick wall erected by the consensus. the funny thing is that the builders of this wall don't think they built it. they imagine it to be like a tree that nature herself seeded. because of this belief, they imagine there is no other recourse than to follow "nature" and continue in their reverence of the superstition.

the black hole we face today is greed and jealousy, which are really the fear that there isn't enough good luck in the world and that other people are only out to hoard it. since lucky charms bring good luck, people hoard the lucky charms too. one person's fearful activity proves another's fearful expectations, and we dive into a spiral of fear and greed. lucky charms are the symptoms of a made-up belief that reinforces itself until it starts to look natural. universal selfishness is as real as the luck of a lucky charm. if you believe in it, you help strengthen and maintain it.

Simply Love

2006-04-02T00:19:00.000-08:00

If we don't think we are made of love, we must pretend that we are lovable in order to possess another person. If we know we are made of love through and through, no posturing is necessary. No manipulation, no strategizing, no tensing. The love within us is then free to act naturally.

The need to control ourselves and others comes from fear and assumptions of worthlessness. Our will is naturally loving, but if we assume otherwise, we will work very hard to cover up our will, which we have assumed to be unloving. That initial assumption is the critical point. No amount of rationalization or cover-ups can hide our original belief, whether we think we are made of love or not.

I just really learned this recently from experience and am only beginning to heal parts of my psyche that still hold on to shame and guilt.

The Ego as a Strategy

2006-03-30T21:47:00.000-08:00

The ego can be like a monster in a dream: the more you try to fight it or escape it, the stronger and faster it gets. Your very focus on it heightens its power. Instead, look at it like an insecure child, screaming for validation and promises of safety and longevity. Care for it as you would any small child, becoming neither attached to it and spoiling it nor so locking it away in a dark room till it screams it terror, scaring the neighbors.

When sages say there is no ego, I think they mean that it doesn't exist inherently. I think of it as a survival strategy nearing its obsolescence. Just because it's built into our genes and strengthened by tradition does not mean it's any more absolute than our propensity to eat greasy hamburgers to satisfy a primal hunger for fat and carbs. Calmly see your ego as a strategy that has served its role and now needs to step aside to allow a new energy to run through you.

Charles Tart on Altered States

2006-03-29T20:47:00.000-08:00

"Because we approach spiritual questions--for example, the question of our destiny after death--only from the perspective of ordinary states of consciousness, it is not surprising that the answers we get are only distorted, pale reflections of reality. We have become so blinded by abstract verbal statements about spiritual truths that we miss the chance to verify those truths for ourselves by direct expercience. Hence the prevalent spiriual dissatisfaction of our times."
-Charles T. Tart, Ph.D.

That's from a book called What Survives? edited by Gary Doore. More stuff on altered states of consciousness can be found on TASTE - The Archives of Scientists' Transcendent Experiences.

Inspiration Is Short Lived

2006-03-11T00:29:00.000-08:00

Inspiration is necessarily short lived because if it weren't, there would be no need for perspiration, and without perspiration, no sense of aliveness. I need a sense of earning. Maybe it's just our work ethic, but without earning our happiness, I feel like a passive recipient of life, not truly alive.

I seek constant inspiration when what I really need is to practice maintaining the movement. I seek a guide or dogma forever telling me where to go and what to do, but would I be really living if I was just offered a script? Self-creation is the joy of the universe, but I long for direction in cowardice.

Discomfort Teaches

2006-03-03T18:07:00.000-08:00

I wanted to know my spirit guides but couldn't find them. Then, through a burning bush, the message came to me. Discomfort is my spirit guide. It tells me everything I need to manifest at the moment!

It's not the bad guy as I have always assumed. It is the teacher. No pain no gain. Seek the pain if you want the gain. Seek comfort if you want to Rest In Peace. Do you hear that? Seek comfort if you want to DIE. Be yourself so flamboyantly that you love yourself enough that you don't care what they all think. Bring yourself to the party with your own style, your own quirks. Keep it clean though. You know you like cool & clean; it's not all that hard to be cool & clean, damn it! Everyone does it. It's not a bad thing just because everyone does it! Cleanliness is decorating the body. Even hunter gatherers decorated their bodies in their culturally accepted ways. Conform at least to the minimal standards of the mainstream. Since you're not expending so much energy financing the rebellion, you can use that energy to finance YOUR Self.

Your war on cool is as delusional as the White House's war on drugs. You want to fight coolness so hard because you've placed your bets on rejectness. The white house fights drugs so hard because they also don't want to admit they've lost the bet. The others nominate your coolness, but you don't want to take the title because you might lose it, and that would really hurt. If it's so fake, then why are you so afraid of having it and subsequently losing it?

You look at the olympic athletes' tears of joy and pain as too passionate. They've invested way too much of their soul in a silly 3rd dimensional game. What good is that for them in the higher dimensions? That's the thing, you precocious prick! This is your time in 3D, not 4D. The reason you can't ascend to 4D yet is because you haven't mastered 3D. You hate materialism so much that you're too imbalanced in Tao to move up to the next level.

Go ahead, make my 3rd dimensional day.

The Divorce of Religion and Science

2006-02-26T00:34:00.000-08:00

There are kernels of truth in most religions, but critics focus on the inconsistencies that plague any attempt at describing that which underlies language itself. Religion occupies that space beneath rational thought, hence its ceaseless brushes with science, which is an exclusively rational tool. Though religion and science could live side by side, our civilization has somehow divorced them from each other. I think the scientists simply got disgusted with how things in the church were going, and in retaliation, the church became even more dogmatically rejecting of verifiable observations of science. They have their own spheres and shouldn't be fighting, but unfortunately they are. The attrition has weakened both parties, and now both the scientific community and the religious are more dogmatic than ever.

Without a humane framework, science becomes a tool for lifeless corporations bent on extracting value from people and the earth and not really replenishing them. Sure, there are scientists working on clean fuels and higher yielding agriculture, but without the context afforded by spirituality, their only measure of success is money and other quantifiable things. Human happiness and well-being aren't quantifiable as even economists admit, so applying science this way can never produce happy humans. Without tools for investigating that which can be measured, religion degenerates into fact-denying superstition, witch hunts, outright war.

I believe we need to salvage spirituality from war-worn religion and reintroduce faith into the scientific community. Not faith that God exists as a bearded sky-daddy, but faith that kindness and humanity to others will prevail. Our vision manifests as physical reality, and without a positive vision, we will create a dark world no matter how shiny our tools are.

Civilization is a Blow-Up Doll

2006-02-23T22:04:00.000-08:00

"From the perspective of all other life, human civilization is a cancer, but from the perspective of humans, civilization is a blow-up doll, a dead synthetic membrane that we play with for shallow pleasure, in a mockery of real procreation, because we are too frightened and incompetent to deal with the complexity and aliveness of reality."
-Ran Prieur http://www.ranprieur.com/essays/changevery.html

What a great way to put it. I love hating civilization because then it won't feel so bad when it collapses.

Philosophy is for People

2006-02-16T14:18:00.000-08:00

Schools teach you certain very nice tools you can use to evaluate and create ideas. One caveat is that those trained to use these tools tend to only be able to communicate with their kind. Hence, the usual lack of rapport between the credentialed scholar and the undocumented one. However there are 2 even bigger divisive factors at play: insecurity and pre-verbal worldview. I will touch on the latter.

Two people who speak different languages will obviously have a problem communicating, but a translator can help. But even if the two have the same language, they can have a different approach in using the language. This difference can sometimes be enough to render productive interaction impossible. There is something beneath language and logic that must be aligned in the two partners for the conversation to be useful.

It's good that those with similar pre-verbal worldviews build with one another. We also need people who can facilitate communication between the worldviews so we can share the progress we all make. On the global scale, this is being done with interfaith organizations that hold conferences where insight is exchanged peacefully and usefully. Teachers facilitate communication between the university culture and the vernacular, but unfortunately the communication is usually one way.

To me philosophy is not just the love of knowledge, but the love of wisdom and what wisdom entails (at least according to Jesus, Buddha, et al): the love of others. A love of knowledge alone can become a race for knowledge, a competition of accumulation. "I know more than you." A more well-rounded philosophy IMHO includes the love of sharing useful knowledge with others. Note there is no forcing in sharing and no sense of condescension.

Stubbornness: The Only Real-Time Sin

2006-02-15T02:18:00.000-08:00

No path is wrong because all wrong can be redeemed. Search back along the path until we reach the point where there was no sin of a particular nature. Remember life prior to that point. That life was ours! We can reclaim it! Resist the tendency to relinquish control to the "present," the present habit, which consists of past repeated behavior beginning with the original sin. But there are multiple pasts, segments of pasts, phases. An appropriate present--without the quotes--would consist of consciously chosen pasts and completely novel present actions. It would not be a complete repetition of the past.

In fact, history in its entirety is cruel and purposeless. But taken in segments, we see parts that we like and parts that we'd rather edit out. Editing out doesn't mean erasing the past, though. Keep that article there, like an old newspaper clipping catalogued in huge drawers. Editing out means removing its redundant rewriting in the present article. The present article should be free to explore new territory, not encumbered revisiting past stories that even with the continual replaying, we haven't gotten enough of yet. Remember how many times they showed the twin towers falling on TV? We have the same habit as the mass media. Rerun, rerun, and rerun dramas. Perhaps a change of cast here and there, even genre innovations, but the same themes.

Editing out will free up the channels to display something genuinely novel. Editing out frees up the mind to create new thoughts and entertain new perspectives. Eliminate Stubbornness, the only true sin. It is a real-time sin, something we're doing right now, not the past. Yes, we may have been addicted in the past and potentially again in the future, but right now, we have the choice to reject the real-time sin of stubbornness.

This is true freedom. Freedom is not the freedom to break a law, done merely to rebel against the law, written or unwritten. Freedom is the opportunity to make a deliberate choice whether to break the law. Freedom is the opportunity to make a deliberate choice whether to break the habit, to break stubbornness.

Aggro-Agriculture

2006-02-14T04:33:00.000-08:00

Thousands of cultures through the millenia do not have the same desire we do to propagate our beliefs. What many of these cultures have in common is that they are hunter-gatherer societies. Daniel Quinn told me that in his books. I'd like to add reclusive Taoists and Buddhists to the list, among other nondualistic philosophies, but even then is it rare that an agrarian society can produce people who do not have the insatiable urge to xerox their brains onto other brains. Maybe Quinn was right and there's something truly abominable at the root of totalitarian agriculture--the idea that WE control the Earth strictly for our benefit and not our competitors (wolves, insects, birds). And since we are in control, we decide what is good and what is evil. And if you disagree, off with your head.

People are alarmed when a boy burns ants with a magnifying glass or a man runs over a bunch of geese with sadistic glee, thinking it's only a matter of time before he moves on to running over people. Couldn't that line of thinking be applied to institutionalized killing like totalitarian agriculture with its pesticides and competition elimination? If you have given yourself the power to determine which animal species deserve to live, it's only one step short of determining which human group deserves to live. Hunter-gatherers have battles. Agriculturalists have genocides. A requirement for genocide is a sense of absolute and universal righteousness, the same kind that enables a totalitarian agriculturalist to call himself king over the fish, the plants, and the pigs.

Equanimous Equilibrium

2006-02-09T07:53:00.000-08:00

Why are breakups so hard? I understand it's good evolutionary practice to keep relationships stable enough to take care of the kids, but why is it so hard to move on even after that's done? Investment in memories. I'm a nostalgic type of guy. I will remember the good times disproportionately. I have trouble recalling the pain, annoyance, bickering, playing games. I wish I can cue my emotions up at will so I can remember to care for someone when I'm taking them for granted and to take them for granted when I no longer have their affection. It's silly how my emotional feedback circuits are so implacable, but I guess equilibrium is based on that bouncing back and forth. Is there such a thing as equanimous equilibrium? A balance that is held not by violent reaction but by sober resolution?

Yes. It is accessed by having a clear intention and thoroughly following through with it, plugging daily results into a conscious feedback mechanism rather than the unconscious one of habitual emotions. If I am ever to get anywhere in life, I must decide and do rather than deliberate, dwell, and allow chance to run my life for me. This is hard, but it's harder to live and die a slave to circumstance and stupidity.

iPod Shaman

2006-01-30T23:07:00.000-08:00

There I was, lying in bed wearing obnoxiously hip white headphones attached to an iPod, humming a wavy binaural tone over pink noise. I made the mp3 the previous night using a computer program that generates tones that tune your brain to desired frequencies. I was aiming for the theta state, 4.5 Hz. In the theta state, the brain is more receptive to the subconscious and the spiritual realm. The iPod glitched as the one hour "song" ended, jarring me awake. Crap, what a wasted session.

I tried to go back to sleep when it occurred. I started feeling the rising surges of electricity waving through my body. It felt like the tingles you get when your foot is asleep except not painful. It ebbed as I paid attention to it, and returned as I let it be, concentrating on the sensation of falling asleep instead. Then the electricity consumed my whole body, and the familiar roaring sounds filled my ears. I became sleep paralyzed. Yes, it worked!

Strangely though, I was breathing heavily. I opened my eyes, but discovered that my physical eyes opened, not my astral eyes like I had hoped. I couldn't move anything besides my eyes, eyelids, and lungs. I closed my eyes and concentrated on projecting myself out of my body. It didn't work. I jumped and did somersaults, but it was all in my imagination. There is a very noticeable difference between astral movement and imaginary movement.

I wanted to see my astral arms, but my pillow was blocking my view, so I tried to wake up my body temporarily to move it. I wiggled my fingers, and soon my hand was able to move. I felt the pillow with my hand and moved it. But when my eyes opened, it was still there! Great, my astral arm was moving, and I couldn't see it. I finally was able to move the physical pillow out of the way and tried to go back to paralysis. Couldn't do it. Listened to the theta entrainment mp3 again. Didn't work. Oh, well. I was in the altered-state between one and two minutes, the longest I've ever been there. That's an accomplishment.

Quick Comments on Feminism

2006-01-20T17:26:00.000-08:00

Here are my answers to a survey about a man's view on feminism. Sorry about the lack of flow; it's a largely unedited list of responses to disparate questions.

I have several definitions of feminism, but the one I adopt is particular. My feminism is the consciousness and questioning of gender roles society enforces. Not all roles and rules are destructive, just as not all hierarchies are repressive, but unconsciously adhering to most of them is dangerous. In my brand of feminism, equal access to happiness is the priority, not exactly equal everything. I know this is vague, but I believe it's better than falling into the trap of literalism. My feminism is the exploration and promotion of the traditionally feminine aspects of humanity, e.g. the culture of care, humility, and compassion. Action should probably mainly be focused on educating the very young.

I'm not sure how studying the body is relevant. My guess is that it might reveal that there are more similarities between the sexes than once thought and also that there is a spectrum of differences among people that go against the clear-cut distinction between male and female. The black or white attitude is holding feminist consciousness back a lot. But I also feel that research into this area can be sketchy as our bodies and minds have been so conditioned by society that the line between socialization and genetics is blurry.

The unoppressed usually have a hard time understanding the things the oppressed go through. However, even the oppressed argue about the significant points of their experience, so I believe any one's input on feminism can be useful, male or female. After all, patriarchy threatens not only women but also men with its dangerous inclinations toward war.

Dvorak Makes Me Happy

2005-12-16T03:17:00.000-08:00

I'm learning the Dvorak simplified keyboard. It's an arrangement of keys on the keyboard that puts the most commonly used keys on the home row and distributes the keys such that your hands alternate more often, increasing typing speed and reducing errors.

Technically, it's much more efficient and ergonomic than the traditional wrist-busting "qwerty" layout we were tortured with in school. Invented by Dr. Dvorak in the early 30s, it unfortunately never caught on because people were too used to the other layout and also would have to buy new typewriters. Even today, where practically every operating system (Mac, Windows, Linux, etc.) has the option to switch back and forth between layouts, Dvorak is under-used. There's a bit of debate as to why.

I have yet to finish reading the more well-known critique of Dvorak's superiority over qwerty, but this economic interpretation actually disconcerted me quite a bit. In the article, Callahan claims:

...there is no objective yardstick by which to gauge whether some technology is "better for society," other than the profits and losses of the entrepreneurs who choose it.

?! Not only is the argument based on the circular reasoning that $$$ = Good for society, it also neglects common yardsticks such as human health and overall happiness. Granted you can't measure happiness or health objectively, but that doesn't make them so irrelevant that we should ignore them. A friend made an ironic quip: "A nation's wealth is measured by the gross domestic product. The higher the GDP, the lower the wealth." By wealth he meant the social cohesion and general contentment of the populace. Although international surveys don't exactly corroborate his joke, I get his point. America, which is rich, and India, which is poor, scored 1st and 2nd in a worldwide happiness survey, suggesting that amassing material wealth is not the only means to happiness.

Yet most economists still refuse to see anything that's not measurable. I am alarmed that this kind of reasoning is allowed to flourish unchecked in academia. I like to think of myself as a scientist, and as a scientist, I accept that things that are inexplicable with current models can still exist. But there's more. Models do exist that measure human happiness more accurately. I frequent this blog about synergy: solutions.synearth.net.

Fractals

2005-12-08T06:08:00.000-08:00

Ever since I was a wee lad of about 10, I have been fascinated by fractals. Barely able to put together my own BASIC program, I typed one into my Mac SE from a source code listing I got somewhere. It was pretty ugly in black and white. Fortunately, lots of nice fractal generators have been written since. I'm using a Linux program called Xaos now. It's just amazing how organic these look.

Can you believe the detail in this? And to think it came from a simple-looking set of equations.

Maybe this is what life on an alien planet looks like. Maybe it's what life on Earth looks like at sufficient magnification.

Looks like a plant that you smoke and start to see more plants like it floating around.

Nerds Go Here

2005-12-07T11:03:00.000-08:00

If you are a computer nerd, you might like my computer nerd blog, which focuses on GNU/Linux: http://humanerr0r.blogspot.com/

Extremism

2005-11-26T19:03:00.000-08:00

Considering the revisionist tendencies of conquerors, how will historical truth ever surface? It's amazing that we have any racial memory at all. FrontPageMag.com talks about how the Pilgrims got themselves mostly to thank for their bountiful harvest in their version of Thanksgiving history. Of course, expect the left to vehemently react in the comments section with their own narrowly biased version. According to popular politics, there's always a good guy and a bad guy, never the twain shall meet in a single person.

All this makes the quest for absolute truth all the more complicated and seemingly impossible. All this highlights the contingency of every perspective and thought on previous experiences and concepts. I would like to say, "Distrust either side of a debate when the sides are extreme and unrelenting," but what about cases where a pretty well substantiated position is attacked by a lone contrarian? Does the existence of controversy have to completely erase the validity of a position?

The Middle Way is threatened by extremists who stand to skew the middle by their sheer extremism. It's like how the mean income of a bar with Bill Gates in it is in the billions, even if the rest of patrons are trailer trash. It's not enough to average out the extreme biases to form a moderate opinion, yet that's how our politics seem to work. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Since the opposing side knows this, it squeaks its own wheels even louder, resulting in a cacophony of diatribes expressing more anger and less content.

I believe the first step in reestablishing a functional democracy is to cut down the anger. Emotions are okay, but not to the point where they turn the debate into an elementary school brawl. Next, we need to allow ourselves to make mistakes and learn from them. Unfortunately, these two steps are harder than coming to a stance in the first place.

Broken families broken understanding

2005-11-26T04:58:00.000-08:00

After sleeping over at two different houses with two different families, I don't feel so dysfunctional in my family any more. On the outside, they look so ideal. After a couple long conversations or even short ones interrupted by angry words thrown about in the house (not at me of course!), I've come to the banal conclusion that most families are messed up no matter how peaceable they initially appear.

My approach to my own family issues may look passive-aggressive, but, hell, it seems to work. I avoid confrontation. If I disagree, I keep quiet. Stay out of their way, they stay out of mine. I don't think I harbor as much resentment as the term passive-aggressive suggests though. I understand that they've got their issues just as I have mine, so I'm not any more "right" than they are.

~
In fact, I'm tired of appearing to be right. I work up a storm of words to convince others that what I say is valid, but I don't even know for sure myself if it is. Of course I often admit my ignorance, but sugar coat it to the point where it seems like I'm not. I'm embarrassed at how many people look up to me for wisdom. I'm a scammer. But can I really live being wrong, I mean really know that I'm wrong, insufficiently informed, ignorant, stupidly reactionary? I can think about it in the private comfort of my bedroom, but can I bring it out into the world, into my conversations with friends and family?

I want to be stupid. No, I want to embrace my stupidity without judging myself poorly nor encouraging the stupidity. An acceptance of limitation.

Non-evil Economists

2005-11-15T03:15:00.000-08:00

BusinessWeek surprised me tonight. I found a reference to an author who wasn't 100% pro-IMF/Globalization: Benjamin M. Friedman. Upon Googling up his new book The Moral Consequences of Economic Growth, I discovered another economist Joseph E. Stiglitz who wrote Globalization and Its Discontents (clever allusion, eh?). I'm delightfully astonished that economics schools don't just churn out cookie-cutter priests of uber-capitalism but also freethinking researchers.

Stiglitz argues that the IMF really screwed up the third world with "recommendations" that favor creditors and ignore the poor. IMF members visit with rich leaders, not peasants, so it's not a long stretch to say they're not considering the poor's plight. There are plenty of other arguments, but I forgot them all because it's late and/or I'm lazy. Read about him here: http://www.globalpolicy.org/socecon/bwi-wto/wbank/stigindx.htm Hooray for smart people to tell us what to think!

I'll have to find these books sometime and regain my confidence in economics and perhaps the economy. I'm sick of feeling completely ineffectual. I want to be part of the economy to improve it, but I often feel like any contribution I make to it furthers greed and poverty.

Ion

2005-10-22T16:38:00.000-07:00

Ion is the hotness. Here's a screenshot.

The Perfect Blog

2005-10-20T18:21:00.000-07:00

The enemy of a good plan is a dream of the perfect plan as they say. I gotta quit my endeavour to create the most logically organized and future-proof blog ever and just start writing something or else I will never write anything. I remind myself of archivists like this http://chnm.gmu.edu//resources/essays/scarcity.php